![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jenni_blogI have not had a good time at all this past week. The worst thing was finding that quite a few sums of money were being withdrawn from my bank account that were not authorized by me! Horrified to see that my funds had dwindled to just over $100 from $800 I had in the account I use to put through Paypal transactions, and kicking myself for not being diligent enough in financial matters to notice that this had been happening since June 2nd, I had to spend last night checking everything, only to find out that all these withdrawals had originally been made by Sony Playstation!!! That meant only ONE person could be the culprit.
I hauled him into my room to look at my bank account balance and Paypal statement on my laptop screen. I do all of my banking online and use a debit card for everything that isn't Amazon, for which I use a credit card. I had a good talk with him about what he'd done. I was devastated and he knew it. But I would never yell at him or use abusive language or anything...but he could see that I was upset and he turned meek and promised that he would never do it again.
Of course I've cancelled the Playstation account, as well as a couple of others like his Xbox that he doesn't play with anymore, and a Star Wars game that requires a small monthly payment. If he didn't need his cell phone I would get rid of that too because it costs a substantial sum each month and I don't think he gets full use out of it. But he needs it so I and other family members can keep track of him.
And I felt horrible when he woke up at 5:30 this morning (early for him) and told me he had wet the bed. Luckily there was a foam padding mattress cover on it that the pee hadn't soaked through. We hosed it down outside and right now it's drying on top of the spa. He was clearly upset by the accident - it has never happened to him since he was going through toilet training at least 12 years ago. I'm sure this happened because he was upset over the money issue as well as some school problems.
Things have not been going well with him at school at the moment and it's right in the middle of exams! He hates his Special Ed class, hates the teacher and the kids in that class. He hates being segregated from the other kids, his friends among them. Today there was a track and field meet for the Special Ed kids and he didn't want to go. Because of what happened to him this morning and because I am a big, stupid softie, I let him go to school later, at 11:00 a.m. because he loves basketball and they were going to play a game in the regular Gym class that he wanted to attend.
Not only has all the above been bothering me (and there's more besides - we have an ant infestation in the house) to the extent I cannot even think about writing my SWG story, but I am having issues with my husband Ed as well. Ever since his cerebral hemorrhages last January, he has had problems with his cognitive functioning. (I know we are lucky - it could have been much, much worse an outcome.) Yesterday we met with my sister and her husband for lunch and a few days beforehand Eddie asked me "When are we going for lunch with your sister again?" I said Thursday and he replied, "It's supposed to rain and thunderstorm." I asked him if he wanted me to call and postpone it but he said no, he didn't mind driving in the rain. The next day he asked me again. The same question. I repeated "Thursday at noon" and he said "It's supposed to rain, etc." So I had to ask him again if he wanted me to postpone because his answer this time might have been "Yes, we'd better postpone." (!!!)
That's just an example of what he's like now. I find I have to repeat things several times or even many times. He has trouble finding the right word to use sometimes too, or he simply uses the wrong word entirely so what he says doesn't make sense. I know it's difficult for him and I am not complaining but I feel bad for him and I am becoming very stressed over everything! With both him and Sean too! And Jamie! And Olivia whom I had not heard from in ages but just got an email from last night. And I am supposed to be going on a short trip next month but now some of my savings have been depleted!
Honestly, I feel like my life has been turned upside down. Please forgive me if I am not around that much until I can get things sorted out. I think I need to speak with people who can help both of my men. I'll see if the doc I used to work for can recommend a couple of therapists or specialists. I'm sure he can.
And I hate so much to complain about things but I thought I'd better explain. Let me tell you - getting old SUCKS. Big time.
I hauled him into my room to look at my bank account balance and Paypal statement on my laptop screen. I do all of my banking online and use a debit card for everything that isn't Amazon, for which I use a credit card. I had a good talk with him about what he'd done. I was devastated and he knew it. But I would never yell at him or use abusive language or anything...but he could see that I was upset and he turned meek and promised that he would never do it again.
Of course I've cancelled the Playstation account, as well as a couple of others like his Xbox that he doesn't play with anymore, and a Star Wars game that requires a small monthly payment. If he didn't need his cell phone I would get rid of that too because it costs a substantial sum each month and I don't think he gets full use out of it. But he needs it so I and other family members can keep track of him.
And I felt horrible when he woke up at 5:30 this morning (early for him) and told me he had wet the bed. Luckily there was a foam padding mattress cover on it that the pee hadn't soaked through. We hosed it down outside and right now it's drying on top of the spa. He was clearly upset by the accident - it has never happened to him since he was going through toilet training at least 12 years ago. I'm sure this happened because he was upset over the money issue as well as some school problems.
Things have not been going well with him at school at the moment and it's right in the middle of exams! He hates his Special Ed class, hates the teacher and the kids in that class. He hates being segregated from the other kids, his friends among them. Today there was a track and field meet for the Special Ed kids and he didn't want to go. Because of what happened to him this morning and because I am a big, stupid softie, I let him go to school later, at 11:00 a.m. because he loves basketball and they were going to play a game in the regular Gym class that he wanted to attend.
Not only has all the above been bothering me (and there's more besides - we have an ant infestation in the house) to the extent I cannot even think about writing my SWG story, but I am having issues with my husband Ed as well. Ever since his cerebral hemorrhages last January, he has had problems with his cognitive functioning. (I know we are lucky - it could have been much, much worse an outcome.) Yesterday we met with my sister and her husband for lunch and a few days beforehand Eddie asked me "When are we going for lunch with your sister again?" I said Thursday and he replied, "It's supposed to rain and thunderstorm." I asked him if he wanted me to call and postpone it but he said no, he didn't mind driving in the rain. The next day he asked me again. The same question. I repeated "Thursday at noon" and he said "It's supposed to rain, etc." So I had to ask him again if he wanted me to postpone because his answer this time might have been "Yes, we'd better postpone." (!!!)
That's just an example of what he's like now. I find I have to repeat things several times or even many times. He has trouble finding the right word to use sometimes too, or he simply uses the wrong word entirely so what he says doesn't make sense. I know it's difficult for him and I am not complaining but I feel bad for him and I am becoming very stressed over everything! With both him and Sean too! And Jamie! And Olivia whom I had not heard from in ages but just got an email from last night. And I am supposed to be going on a short trip next month but now some of my savings have been depleted!
Honestly, I feel like my life has been turned upside down. Please forgive me if I am not around that much until I can get things sorted out. I think I need to speak with people who can help both of my men. I'll see if the doc I used to work for can recommend a couple of therapists or specialists. I'm sure he can.
And I hate so much to complain about things but I thought I'd better explain. Let me tell you - getting old SUCKS. Big time.
no subject
Date: 2017-06-16 11:34 pm (UTC)We lived in Oakland, California at the time. There were multiple calls daily to various 1-900 numbers--which I thought were just for sex lines and psychics! They cost a minimum of $10 per call. I called the phone company to see what they were and they were all numbers which one could call to find out the surf reports for Southern California beaches. [Surf's up, dude! See you at the beach!!]
My son had just returned from spending the summer with his dad in Southern California and surfing every day. His dad lived on Venice Beach and let him surf morning and evening. He missed his surfing and his friends, and was just checking to see what he was missing! He had no idea he was racking up a telephone bill of nearly $1,000! I was outraged--with the phone company as well as him!! I contacted the phone company and tried to explain that an unauthorized minor was making the calls. They would not give me a break. They graciously offered to block future outgoing calls from my home number to 1-900 numbers.
I thought I was finished with that, when my granddaughter Minnie came from Mexico to live with us in Brooklyn. She had just turned nine--a studious kid, busy learning English, and totally wrapped up in her school work and adjusting to NYC. She virtually had no faults (still doesn't!). The perfect little girl! Then I got a $600 phone bill. She had been placing nightly long distance calls on our land line to her school friends in Mexico, whom she missed a lot. Similar pattern to her dad. She had no idea how expensive they were and that she was being charged by the minute while she giggled and gossiped away! Wow!
The stuff with your husband sounds painful and difficult for both of you. Of course, you are fortunate that his outcome wasn't worse but that must be heartbreaking for both of you! And it does not make the daily stress any lighter.
And, being a parent is painful and it never ends! I am so jealous of my youngest sister. Her two kids grew up, went to great schools, got awesome post-graduate degrees, and have fabulous, fulfilling, well-paid jobs and are doing wonderfully raising their nearly perfect kids! Meanwhile, much as I love mine, they are each a hot mess and always struggling. I honestly do not think I did a worse job as a parent (or maybe I did!). Laura looks at me as a cautionary tale of what not to do and tries not to make the same mistakes with Alex that she thinks I made with her! Ha! She can make her own fresh and creative ones! That's what parenting consists of!!!
no subject
Date: 2017-06-18 04:54 pm (UTC)I had two kids but they were completely different. My daughter was the one who always got in trouble. She has a strong, independent and curious spirit and always delved into things she should have left alone. My son was the good one - obedient, sunny in spirit, quiet in nature.
Now it's she who is the "good" one. I think she does very well running her household and taking care of her two little ones. After being a spendthrift with her parents' money in her youth she now pinches pennies with some skill.
But my son has run up his credit card enough to cause himself financial difficulty (although he has a good job and should be able to get himself out of debt), has had terrible luck with women and has recently wrecked our one good car!
I don't think the way kids turn out is the fault of their parents unless we are talking about genetics. That we can't do anything about but we try to do our best teaching them the optimal way to get through life. It's up to them to heed our advice and do the right things for themselves. :)
no subject
Date: 2017-06-18 05:47 pm (UTC)Of course you are right! Laura is still in a phase to telling me what I did wrong! Wait until my precious little Alex starts shredding her heart--which is inevitable to a greater or lesser degree! Then she will be a bit more acceptable of my failings. Ha!
I still cannot predict what my kids are going to do next! Life is not easy for them either.
no subject
Date: 2017-06-17 07:34 pm (UTC)Needless to say, I truly panicked when I got caught. Not only about what I had done and about the amount on the phone bill, but also about the things I had called. When my mom got a list of numbers that had been called from our phone service provider, I was afraid for what felt like weeks, because I wondered if she would check what all the things were - and I was sure she would be angry about the sex stories calls, or the calls to gay and lesbian contact lines (I was just curious. And besides, I never said a word; I just listened). I don't think she ever sat down and checked each individual number, though. She did, however, have a long and serious talk with me about why I had caused her a lot of problems with this, and also about how I had showed that I wasn't trustworthy etc (that comment hurt - even at 11 I valued being trustworthy!)
After that, she made me pay an amount of every phone bill via my pocket money for many years. If I didn't, she said that she would cancel the phone subscription - which was basically like cancelling my life at that time, because the phone was what I used for BBS'ing and contact with friends, at least from age 13 onwards. I remember calculating the exact duration of my phone usage (I used a stop watch!), and putting aside money after every call... and I still freaked out every time the phone bill arrived. We still have a landline phone, though, so obviously she never cancelled it :)
Don't know if my story is useful to you in your situation with Sean... If anything, maybe there is something here that you can use to help him understand why what he did was wrong and problematic and bad?
Either way, I understand you as well. The whole thing must have been so painful and frustrating.
As for the situation with your husband... ouch, that must be painful :( It must be sad for you to see, too, and I guess in some way you must feel bad when you get frustrated at having to repeat things... and at the same time that frustration is so understandable and natural. I don't know what to say, truly. But just... I hope you can get some help with all of this. Good luck with it!
*sends big hugs and a lot of love*
no subject
Date: 2017-06-18 05:01 pm (UTC)At least with Sean there was a limit to how much he could spend - once my bank account was cleaned out no more could be put through! I managed to catch it when I still had $100 left!
Sean has never done anything like this before. Until now he always came to ask me if he could buy something online and I'd say yes or no based on whether or not I could afford it or if he deserved it as payment for something. But I think recently he has been troubled, and is going through puberty and not particularly happy, so I think that's one of the reasons why he did what he did without my permission.
My husband has good days and bad days. Lately he's been having more bad than good. We'll just have to see how it goes. Right now he is trying to change the amount of blood pressure medication he takes on his own without consulting the doctor. I told him not to but he won't listen to me. This is not good and I'll have to try to make a doctor's appointment to check him out. *sigh*