catching up/nostalgia hits
May. 29th, 2017 08:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jenni_blogI've been thinking lately about a lot of my old friends, the ones that I don't see anymore. I guess this is bound to happen when you get older but I miss them!
Many have been lost to early demise but there are others who have simply disappeared, moved away and/or changed phone numbers and aren't on Facebook or otherwise online so I can't find them!
What made me think of these people was getting a Facebook notification that I might know a certain person and sure enough it was someone from the past who has just opened a Facebook account. I was thrilled and friended him right away. He is the male half of a husband and wife team that we were very friendly with up to about 25 years ago. Sadly, he and his wife are no longer together. They have a daughter the same age as our Olivia, so 33 now. We haven't had much contact with him yet - he posted that he had just bought a new iPad and it was doing strange things such as not letting him post and/or changing some things that he'd written. I guess he isn't used to Auto Correct!
Making contact with him also brought up some old baggage that I feel sad about. It's that I may not have treated some people that I cared about very well in the past. I've always prided myself on being a 'nice person' but maybe that was only in a superficial way. I've always tried to be non-judgmental and sympathetic to other peoples' problems but in other ways I think I've let some of my friends down. Self-reflection has led me to believe that sometimes I have 'used' people and not given them very much in return. By that I don't mean by not paying them for things they've done but by neglecting them once they've done something for me. For that I am truly sorry and I wish it had never happened.
I find that I have an aversion to too much closeness, or what I believe that to be. I've never enjoyed things like long phone calls when there is really nothing to talk about, or visiting other peoples' houses when there is nothing to do. I do remember getting together with two other couples every Saturday night before we all had children. We would play euchre, drink wine, eat good food and watch Saturday Night Live back in the day when John Belushi, Gilda Radner and Dan Ackroyd were on the show, among other greats. We made it a regular thing and I enjoyed it because we had specific things to do, the company was enjoyable and we had a set time to go home (when SNL was over).
Now I find I don't much enjoy going out at all - at least I find I have anxiety over the anticipation of going out. I don't like the traveling to get there - mainly I'm scared of the traffic and the way people drive these days, or maybe it's because I've slowed down. But what usually happens is that once I get there I really enjoy being wherever that is. Like yesterday - I took the commuter train into Toronto to meet my sister and brother, to go visit our parents' grave site at the Mount Pleasant Cemetery. Then we went for lunch at a really nice restaurant, The Granite Brewery, which serves English-style pub food. I had an almond-crusted sole fillet with basmati rice and a simple green salad, my sister had a delicious looking shrimp linguine and my brother had his usual - a club house sandwich, but at least he tried the home-brewed beer. We talked, laughed a lot, got a little rowdy (luckily the restaurant wasn't very busy) and thoroughly enjoyed each others' company. It took me right back to our childhoods because we all got along extremely well. Now we're all so busy with our immediate families and hardly see each other anymore although we do keep in touch online or via phone calls.
All in all yesterday was a very enjoyable day although I didn't particularly enjoy the trip down on the train full of Blue Jays fans (it was too crowded and noisy for me) but I made sure to go home before the baseball crowd got out so the trip back was much better. And at least it didn't rain yesterday, the first day in awhile!
Many have been lost to early demise but there are others who have simply disappeared, moved away and/or changed phone numbers and aren't on Facebook or otherwise online so I can't find them!
What made me think of these people was getting a Facebook notification that I might know a certain person and sure enough it was someone from the past who has just opened a Facebook account. I was thrilled and friended him right away. He is the male half of a husband and wife team that we were very friendly with up to about 25 years ago. Sadly, he and his wife are no longer together. They have a daughter the same age as our Olivia, so 33 now. We haven't had much contact with him yet - he posted that he had just bought a new iPad and it was doing strange things such as not letting him post and/or changing some things that he'd written. I guess he isn't used to Auto Correct!
Making contact with him also brought up some old baggage that I feel sad about. It's that I may not have treated some people that I cared about very well in the past. I've always prided myself on being a 'nice person' but maybe that was only in a superficial way. I've always tried to be non-judgmental and sympathetic to other peoples' problems but in other ways I think I've let some of my friends down. Self-reflection has led me to believe that sometimes I have 'used' people and not given them very much in return. By that I don't mean by not paying them for things they've done but by neglecting them once they've done something for me. For that I am truly sorry and I wish it had never happened.
I find that I have an aversion to too much closeness, or what I believe that to be. I've never enjoyed things like long phone calls when there is really nothing to talk about, or visiting other peoples' houses when there is nothing to do. I do remember getting together with two other couples every Saturday night before we all had children. We would play euchre, drink wine, eat good food and watch Saturday Night Live back in the day when John Belushi, Gilda Radner and Dan Ackroyd were on the show, among other greats. We made it a regular thing and I enjoyed it because we had specific things to do, the company was enjoyable and we had a set time to go home (when SNL was over).
Now I find I don't much enjoy going out at all - at least I find I have anxiety over the anticipation of going out. I don't like the traveling to get there - mainly I'm scared of the traffic and the way people drive these days, or maybe it's because I've slowed down. But what usually happens is that once I get there I really enjoy being wherever that is. Like yesterday - I took the commuter train into Toronto to meet my sister and brother, to go visit our parents' grave site at the Mount Pleasant Cemetery. Then we went for lunch at a really nice restaurant, The Granite Brewery, which serves English-style pub food. I had an almond-crusted sole fillet with basmati rice and a simple green salad, my sister had a delicious looking shrimp linguine and my brother had his usual - a club house sandwich, but at least he tried the home-brewed beer. We talked, laughed a lot, got a little rowdy (luckily the restaurant wasn't very busy) and thoroughly enjoyed each others' company. It took me right back to our childhoods because we all got along extremely well. Now we're all so busy with our immediate families and hardly see each other anymore although we do keep in touch online or via phone calls.
All in all yesterday was a very enjoyable day although I didn't particularly enjoy the trip down on the train full of Blue Jays fans (it was too crowded and noisy for me) but I made sure to go home before the baseball crowd got out so the trip back was much better. And at least it didn't rain yesterday, the first day in awhile!
no subject
Date: 2017-05-29 06:00 pm (UTC)Bobby would happily hang out with people every day. When he goes snowboarding, he's happiest riding in packs (even when he doesn't have to ... sometimes riding in at least three is necessary for safety). When I had to chaperone a school dance on Friday, so he'd be by himself all evening, the first thing he did was find a friend to hang out with!
Whereas my ideal is what I'm going right now: working alone, in the quiet. I enjoy my friends but hanging out isn't something I want to do every day. And my favorite winter sport is cross-country skiing because I get to be alone in nature and silence for hours on end! :D
I understand the driving too. Driving was one of the things I was most afraid of in Maryland. One of the things I love about the Northeast Kingdom is that there are relatively few people/cars, and people drive like they have some sense, both because the culture of urgency hasn't reached here yet and because our roads are often in bad enough shape due to snow/mud/general disrepair that going fast and being reckless isn't a option.
no subject
Date: 2017-06-02 05:58 pm (UTC)The Northeast Kingdom looks and sounds like a wonderful place for an introvert. Nothing scares me more than being on the highway with what I imagine are crazed, wild-eyed drivers who mindlessly weave in and out of lanes missing other cars by inches, or who seemingly randomly decide to cut across five lanes of traffic in order to get to their exit instead of planning ahead. :(
Honestly, when things get too overwhelming for me I will retreat into my little nest to heal and try to recoup my inner strength so that I can start the process all over again.
no subject
Date: 2017-06-03 02:52 pm (UTC)I too have memories about my treatment of people that make me wince. Half the time, with my wretched undiscovered condition, I didn't even realise what I was doing.
The only thing to do is nurture the friendships we have now - old and new - and be the best friend we can be, now.
Did you read about my open mic performance?? xx
no subject
Date: 2017-06-04 01:30 pm (UTC)It must have been very difficult for you not knowing for so many years that you had Asperger's. I can't even imagine - but there were probably some positives because you weren't diagnosed. My grandson was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism at age four and since then his schooling has been limited to Special Education classes. Those classes lump ALL kids with learning disabilities together so that the higher functioning ones are not given the opportunity to be challenged. They languish in classes that do not enable them to shine or show the abilities they do have. The teachers are mostly focused on the kids who need their help the most.
Sean (my grandson) hates his special ed class and I can't say I blame him. He has no friends there. He dearly wants to be with the "normal" kids but unfortunately it's too late for him to be switched over because he's too far behind where they are in the curriculum. It's too bad that his dismay over his schooling is probably going to hold him back in the future.
In your case you were able to study with everyone, not be segregated and were able to attend uni. I'd love for Sean to be able to do that but alas, only if he is willing to pursue studies after high school in order to get him there, he won't have the marks or credits to be able to do so when he finishes the program that he is in (a very limited one).
Fortunately Canada has social programs in place for "disabled" people that Sean could take advantage of. These allow people to afford a living without having to hold down a job. But I don't like that idea! It's better for people to have work to do that makes them feel worthwhile. What do you think about this? I find it extremely frustrating.
And of course, you are very wise and I believe you are right about nurturing the friendships we have now because they enrich our lives and make us happier.
Not yet. I've been busy and away from the computer too much lately! But I am going to read about your open mic performance now! :D <3
no subject
Date: 2017-06-04 01:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-06-04 02:12 pm (UTC)Yesterday being last day of the Spring tournament, I put a parody on Facebook yesterday morning. x