Aug. 8th, 2012

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I've never written about this, and I'll keep it short.

Last Thursday I got a bad scare when I learned that my co-worker of many years had been rushed to hospital with abdominal pains and was awaiting the result of a CT scan. We were on tenterhooks at work, all of us worried as hell. On Firday morning the results came in. They didn't look good. While not knowing exactly what they meant in terms of prognosis, I can tell you that they involved the pancreas, a possible aneurysm and some other stuff that may or may not be important. The past weekend was a long one for us, to celebrate Simcoe Day here in Ontario. We worked only half a day on Friday so I was not able to find out until yesterday when I went back to work how my colleague was feeling. She came in late in the day, and said she felt much better, although she still had some reduced abdo pain and was very tired. She's going to take next week off work. I went home before she could speak to the doctor about her result, and she clearly didn't know anything yet. Today is my day off, so I won't find out until tomorrow what the doctor told her. :(

This is bad enough, but my sister recently had a hip replacement that didn't go too well. She had been suffering from a genetic hip disorder that my mother had, my brother has also, but somehow I escaped. My sister's operation was in the middle of June. During the course of the surgery, while her 'old' hip was being removed, the surgeon managed to fracture the large bone in the same leg - the femur. As a result, she suffered trauma while she was under anesthetic, which resulted in her vomiting in the middle of the surgery but luckily didn't aspirate it, and her blood pressure went sky high. They had to stop the operation halfway through, wire her fractured femur together, try to stablize her blood pressure and some other things, and then continue to replace her hip.

Since then she's had a long recovery time, she cannot bear weight yet on that side of her body, and it's going to be awhile until she can walk again. She's not even an old woman, for crying out loud.

And to make a long story short, I've had very bad luck with friends. Six of my close girlfriends have passed away much too young. The first one was a schoolmate of mine who died in a sky diving accident while in university. She was only 19. The next one died of breast cancer at 25 years of age. After that, another was killed by a truck on her way to work, two had heart attacks and the final one passed away suddenly from an aneurysm.

Seriously, I am glad to be healthy and to have escaped any accident at all so far, but I do not want to lose my sister, my co-worker or any of the friends I have left. Or any of my online friends, who are all very important to me because I really don't have very secure feelings about making new friends in real life.

You know what it really means to be a survivor? It means that you lose everyone that you have loved and it means that you are left alone to carry on.

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